Keeping The Truth Inside
by pokeherwithastick
Summary: Set in season 6. In order to get Sam's soul back, Dean Winchester will do anything. Even breaking up with Castiel.


**Hi everyone! Um, this is basically only my second fic, and I'm still working on Dean's character, because GOD, his character is so hard to portray xDD So please bear with me if Dean is a little off. Alright, now on to the story! **

"Cas, you busy right now? It's nothing, I just wondered if you could come down for a minute, I, um, want to talk about something, but if you're caught up in—"

"Hello, Dean." The familiar greeting echoed across the room and Dean could feel a slight twist in his stomach. Great, he thought. No backing out now.

"How are you? I'm sorry I've been so busy, heaven's been in such disarray lately," Castiel chatted lightly—which was uncommon, for him—as he kissed Dean softly on the lips. The older Winchester closed his eyes for a moment, feeling more and more guilty as the minutes passed, before gently but firmly pushing Castiel away, avoiding eye contact. The angel frowned, wondering why on earth would Dean Winchester, who was always the one pressing him for kisses, push him away. However, as dense as Cas was, he dismissed it as just another bad day for Dean.

"Cas, we… we need to talk." Dean waved a hand, motioning for Castiel to sit down, but as he did, the angel could once again feel a change within Dean. Luckily enough, he did not know "we need to talk" was the official break-up line.

"Yes, Dean? Um… um, shoot. Isn't that what you humans say?" Dean smiled, but it disappeared as soon as it came. Why was Cas making this harder for him than it already was? Right now, Dean just wanted it over with.

As he looked at Castiel, he realised he couldn't do it. Those blue eyes, those lips, those hands… he could never, not in his life, live without his angel. He was far too attached to him (Dean would do everything in his power to avoid saying 'in love') to let go now.

Then his mind slowly drifted to his brother, his one and only brother, his whole family… He needed to save him. He needed _Sam _back. Not that soulless monster he was now. It pained him to even look at the guy, much less talk to him. So he would do anything and everythingto get Sam's soul—_Sam—_back.

Even if it meant breaking up with Cas.

A part of him told Dean not to do this; in fact, every part of him told him not to do this, to drop the stupid deal, to find another way… If there even was another way. But that would take up too much of his time, searching. And he was already so desperate, because he missed old-Sam too much his heart hurt whenever he thought about it. Castiel saw him one time (excluding the car park incident—it was a kind of silent agreement to never speak about it), at the porch of their sleazy motel room the brothers were sharing, praying to whatever God there was out there to just help Sam get through this, or to just 'do your mojo and magically transport Sam's soul back into him'. Dean was crying, then, and Castiel went forward and sat with him, telling him that they would find a way. Cas had told Dean he loved him, then, and the hunter found it hard to say it back to him, because that was the day he had made the deal. Oh god, Castiel always had a way to make things worse. But whatever it was, he had to do this.

Dean took a deep breath, very aware that Castiel's blue eyes were fixed intently on him, and said shakily, "Um, Cas… Cas, I can't do this." He kept his eyes firmly on the lamp beside the bed, knowing full well that he would crumble upon looking at the angel.

"This?" Cas cocked his head to one side, and Dean's heart squeezed. This was going to be the last time he saw it, for a long time at least. Oh, god. He was going to miss everything about Castiel. The way he kissed, the feel of his touch… For the millionth time, he had to remind himself that he was doing this for Sam, always for Sam. Dean didn't want to, but what he wanted or did not want was not important. Sam—family—always came first.

This explained why Family was Dean's Achilles heel, and always will be. Dean quickly answered, despite the many emotions he had to suppress, "Yeah. The… the thing between us. The thing we have. You know. Us." He sighed exasperatedly as he ran a hand through his hair; he sucked at explaining, he knew, but Castiel seemed to get it.

"Oh. What about it?" Now Castiel had a look of nervousness, like he knew what was coming. Dean's stomach flipped, but he forced himself to continue.

"It's just… It's not that easy being with you." Immediately, pain crossed Cas's flawless features, but it disappeared a second later that Dean would have thought it was just the trick of the light… if he didn't know Cas that well. He wished Castiel knew how hard it was for him to say this, all of this. He wished Castiel knew how much he was sacrificing, just for Sam. The angel's blue eyes were now showing signs of insecurity, of fear. He looked like he wanted to cry, but he swallowed hard, putting on a brave face.

"You… you don't want to be with me anymore?" Castiel enquired. The pain in his voice was too much for Dean to bear. Go with the plan, Dean told himself, repeating it a few times. Castiel will be strong enough. He has to.

The hunter then realised he was waiting for an answer, so he nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the lamp again.

"I… oh."

Cas was trying hard to keep the tears from coming. He had to pretend he was alright, just a little while more. He had to pretend he was okay, for Dean. He knew the guilt would build up inside of him for days if Castiel didn't play that card.

"Cassy, please, it's just that—"

"No, Dean. I—It's okay. Really. I understand." There was no emotion in his voice, and it was only then that Dean realised how lousy Cas must feel right now. He suddenly felt the urge to jump out at him and say "April fool's!", only one, it wasn't April and two, this wasn't a joke.

"Cas, I'm sorry. I really, really am. I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Yes," Castiel said flatly, "I'm sorry too."

"But… you'll call, right? If you're in trouble. Or anything." He gazed at Cas hopefully.

"Of course, Dean." He managed a slight smile, then; a very forced, strained one. Both knew this was a lie. Both knew they would never hear from each other every again.

Castiel stood up, and forced himself to look into those green eyes for the last time.

"Goodbye, Dean."

"Bye, Cas."

The angel hesitated for a moment, and then pressed his lips to Dean's forehead for the shortest of moments. Dean had to stop himself from grabbing Cas's hair and pulling him into a deeper kiss. Then, all Dean heard was the sound of Castiel's wings, and he was gone.

A single tear rolled down the man's cheek as a wave of hatred towards himself overwhelmed him. He was never going to forgive himself for this. Ever.

"How touching," a Scottish accent was heard a few minutes later, from behind Dean.

"Bite me."

"No, thank you," the voice drawled. "Now your itty bitty angel is taken care of, can we get on with our deal?"

"Go screw yourself." Dean spat on the floor in disgust.

"What a nice way of saying yes, but now, Dean-o, if I were you, I would show a _little _more respect to the King of Hades." Crowley smirked as Dean gritted his teeth in fury.

**The second chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading, you guys :3**


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